BY SANDY STAGGS
A new start-up theatre in Greenville is now casting for a slate of shows that have never been produced in the Upstate.
Fag Hags on Stage is, according a statement to the media, a queer theatre run by women, and for women, and any woman who has ever “fallen in love with their gay BFF, or been his beard.”Opening on October 11, Reggie (just Reggie), will direct the Upstate premiere of “Naked Boys Singing!”, the international smash hit musical comedy revue that features 15 original songs and 8 original penises.
“The show is just what the title conveys,” Reggie said.
Auditions will be held June 21 at the Hughes Main Library in a private Conference Room. There will not be a couch in the conference room but there is a private area for undressing,
“We are looking for all types of men: twinks, daddys, bears,
muscle men, jocks, straight-looking, etc.”
“Smooth or hairy is fine, but we prefer men under 35,” Reggie added. “And all types of penises too: small members, average members, large members, extra-large members and Grande members.”
“Same with asses: cute bumps, hairy curves, bubble-butts, and especially Adonis-toned athletic rumps. Sorry no saggy fat-bottomed boys,” Reggie said.
“Oh and the boys should have some singing ability,” Reggie added. “This is paid gig by the way, plus the boys earn extra during the show from audience tips and after the show … that’s their prerogative.”
Reggie said all actors auditioning for this show must sign a waiver stating that they are at least 18 years old.
In December 2019, the company will launch “Feud: The Musical,” based on the hit TV series by Ryan Murphy (“American Horror Story”) with music by Alan Mencken and Jason Robert Brown about the making of the cult classic horror film “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”. The casting calls for two male actors in their late 50s to star as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, and they must be comfortable in powdered wigs, okay with wearing granny panties, have no fear of rodents, and be able to operate a manual wheelchair. Experience wielding an axe is a plus!
Fag Hags has saved the rest of the season for women with many provocative roles for ladies of all ages, though Reggie said some parts require special skills.
“Even Cowgirl Gets the Blues” with music by k.d. Lang will require its star (played by Uma Thurman in the Gus Van Sant film) to have HUGE thumbs to hitchhike across the plains.
Some women in “Oklahomo!” (the all-lesbian version of the Rodgers and Hammerstein classic) will have to ride a bronco, be familiar with ropes and knots (i.e. bondage), and enjoy the smell of rawhide.
And “Women Behind Bars,” Tom Eyen’s parody of 1950s B-flicks set in the Greenwich Village Women’s House of Detention,” has several roles for trans actors, fems, lipstick lesbians, butches, and a ballsy prison warden (a Queen Latifah-type or Ethel Merman), but the entire cast must be able to swim for the crucial topless volleyball pool game scene, during which the power structure behind bars topples, and a new Queen B (for Bitch) is crowned.
Asked about any concerns (public outcry, legal or otherwise) due to the amount of full frontal nudity in some of these plays and the aggressive alternative casting, Reggie said that while performance venues “have not been easy to secure, we hope to find a sympathetic business or theater that believes in the transformative power of the art form.”
Concluded Reggie: “And while we at Fag Hags on Stage do greatly respect the police, our veterans and men and women serving overseas, as well as a tight uniform, if the police do show up, we will just invite them to be in our Village People number ‘In the Navy’ .”
Editor’s Note: While “Naked Boys Singing,” “Women Behind Bars,” and an all-gay “Oklahoma!” (Oregon – August 2018) are genuine shows that one day will be produced in the Upstate, Today, April 1, 2019 is NOT that day!
HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!
And have beautiful, full and humor-filled week!